10 Old Fashioned Dating Habits We Should Make Cool Again

10 Old Fashioned Dating Habits We Should Make Cool Again by Kate Bailey over at Thought Catalog.

1. Coming to the door to pick someone up. 
I think we’ve all had it with the incredibly unromantic “here” text, and meeting up always seems to be more casual and platonic than the alternative. Of course, meeting someone from online or any circumstance like that would probably be the exception to this rule, but generally: the 30 seconds it takes to get out of a car or cab and knock on the door makes a huge difference.

2. Trying to dress really nicely for a date. 
“Nicely” means different things for different people, so I think it’s just a matter of putting effort into how you put yourself together to go out with someone. It’s not about wearing suits and petticoats again, but just realizing that, whether or not we like to accept it, appearance does count for something, and we should do our best to make sure that our appearance says something about us, in whatever way we’d like it to. Follow Thought Catalog on Facebook.

3. Bringing flowers or other tokens of affection to the first date. 
Now, many lucky ladies (and some men) I know get this regularly, and in fact, I have myself as well, but only ever with people I’d been dating for a while. I think there’s something to be said for bringing flowers to the door on your first date. It’s become uncool because it’s forward and it’s a gesture that confirms their interest, but we should definitely get past that idea and worry more about how we’re going to let someone know we really do care and appreciate that they want to spend time with us.

4. Going dancing that’s not grinding on a grimy club floor. 
Whatever happened to this? Dancing for the sake of dancing, like fun, not essentially sex on a dance floor dancing. What’s a better way to literally shake off nerves than seeing them bust a really dorky move on a dance floor? And the art of slow dancing has generally been lost, though I’ve been one to do it in my living room with my slightly coerced significant other, and I’ll tell you he’s said on numerous occasions it ended up being one of the most romantic nights we had together.

5. Straightforwardly asking someone out and not calling it “hanging out.” 
Or, as is very popular these days, “talking.” “Oh, we’re just… talking.” As in, seeing one another and speaking frequently as to get to know each other? So… dating? We’ve found these really convenient ways to skirt around the issue of having to put our hearts on the line, but honestly, it just ends up being messy and confusing for all parties involved. There’s no need to go back to the idea of courting or anything, unless you want to, but simply being direct about whether or not you’d like to go on a date with someone is a truly lost art, one that really shouldn’t be.

6. Additionally, being clear about when you’re “going steady.” 
Oh, the awkward, “so… are we… you know… what are we?” talk. Classic. We should go back to asking one another if the other person would like to “go steady” or something. There’s something about asking them if they’d like to rather than assuming that you are or aren’t anything that’s just very cute, in my opinion.

7. Romantic gestures like writing poems. 
Writing poems may not be for you, I know mine would look something like “Roses are red, violets are blue, I hate poetry but I love you.” I literally just made that up thank you please quote me when you inevitably post that gem on Tumblr. But seriously, like a handwritten letter in the mail or just surprising them with something you made even if it looks like the macaroni necklace you made when you were 5 is cute just because you tried and were thinking of them.

8. Turning electronics off and just being with one another. 
I’m not sure there is anything worse than the person who picks up their phone and starts staring at it in the middle of dinner, or at any point while you’re together and having a conversation. I’m not anti-technology here (hello, I work for the Internet) but I am saying that there comes a time to turn it off and disconnect and remember what actually matters. People.

9. The general concept of asking permission for things. 
 It used to be principle for people to say: oh, when can I see you? Or, when could I call you? Rather than just assuming they can at any point. But I think that old concept could be applied to our modern world by just assuming that, unless told otherwise, you should ask permission to you know, touch them anywhere, take them out, call them at a certain time, etc. Once you’re in a relationship these things usually don’t require asking anymore, but some do, especially when it comes to sexuality. I once knew a person who said that they asked permission before so much as touching a girl’s thigh, and that always stuck with me.

10. Not assuming sex is to be had at any point in time. 
Now, I’m certainly not saying it should go back to being a taboo that’s unspoken of, but we certainly shouldn’t expect it from someone on the third date, on the first date, because they’re being flirty, because you know they’re into you, or even because they agreed to go out with you. A date does not have to be a precursor to sex, and you shouldn’t be disappointed if it isn’t because you should never assume that it will be. It depends on the person you’re with and what they want to do.

~La vie est belle, Bri~

Before you ask me out, you'll probably want to know that...

There's this rule in my house about dating...well, actually, there are a couple rules. These are rules that are set by my parents, and are nothing personal to the guy in question, but I want to make it clear that I agree and follow these rules willingly, and it's appreciated when people respect them.

Before you ask me out, you'll probably want to know that...

1. I don't single date, and I can't be with guys alone. 
I can only go on group or double dates because single dating is considered more serious, and right now I'm not looking for a relationship, so there should be one or more couples with us on our date. The other part of this rule, which goes hand in hand with not single dating, is I am not allowed to be alone with guys at any time. This includes sitting alone in a car or just hanging out as friends. This is a safety measure. I don't want to be put into awkward situations where we might end up doing something we would regret. I understand that these kinds of situations don't happen often, and you're thinking "well I don't think of you that way anyway", but if that's what you think there shouldn't be a problem getting a few more people to go on our date or to hang out.

2. I won't steady date until I'm 18.
Let's be honest here. When you date someone, you're either going to marry that person or break up. I don't consider myself, right now, ready for a "serious relationship", nor am I old enough to be getting into one. A relationship is more than "hey I like this person, I'm going to hang out with them more". It's about commitment, give and take, trust, respect, love, and trying to know someone on a deeper level, getting to know who they are. To do those kinds of things, you need to be in tune with who you are, where you stand, and where you're going. What do they need from you? What do you need from them? What do you want? What about them? (etc....) I don't consider myself ready for that at the moment.

3. If I want to go on a date with someone, he has to be interviewed by my dad.
You have to meet the parents (well, just my dad) even if it's just a casual date, which I might have asked you on. Sorry not sorry.

4. I don't date people who aren't members of my church.
I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, also called "Mormons". If you're not a member this one will be hard to understand. I don't think that members of my church are somehow better or more upright than non-members, because I have met several amazing people who aren't members of my church who I would date if they were members.
As a member of the LDS church, I believe that when I marry someone in our temple we are sealed for eternity and that our family will be together forever. Because I want to be married in the temple, I am looking to date those who are worthy to enter the temple. That includes not just their behavior, but whether or not they have been baptized into the church. This is something that is truly important to me, not a personal spite against someone who might ask me on a date and isn't a member, it's what I believe to be true and I am making my way towards that goal.

Well there you are. A guide to going on a date with me. Sort of. Maybe just...guidelines...or a warning...eh they're not that bad.

~La vie est belle, Bri~

5 Things To Do While You're Single

What? Another article not written by yours truly? It's okay, you'll have a full post from me eventually, but for now enjoy this wonderful list of things to do while you're single from Jarrid Wilson.

Being single isn’t a disease, it’s an opportunity for you to grow, learn, and experience life in a way that you won’t be able to when you are married.

Here are 5 things to do while you’re single:

1. Be firm in your faith. 
- Build your faith on a foundation that cannot be shaken, no matter whom you encounter. This will not only bring you peace during your season of singleness, but will also help you in your journey of finding the person you plan on being with for the rest of your life.Don’t let your beliefs change depending on whom you’re trying to impress. This tactic will always come around to hurt you in the long run.

2. Get grounded in your personal identity. 
- Know who you are before trying to explain it to someone else. Be confident in your purpose, your body, your identity, and your life choices. Relationships will not fix your identity problems, but they can be an added bonus to who you are as a person.

3. Focus on school, or starting you career. 
- You have a lot of time on your hands. Instead of spending it wallowing in your singleness, GO MAKE SOMETHING OF YOURSELF! You are worth more than what sitting on a couch waiting for your significant other makes you out to be. Step out into the world and take maturity by the horns. Start building your future instead of simply dreaming about it.

4. Learn to be independent until needed otherwise. 
- There is nothing wrong with aspiring to be a stay at home mom, or even being a man who works from home. But until either of these opportunities come into play, you need to make sure you are doing everything possible to provide for yourself, your future family, and your future aspirations. Don’t live day-to-day. Plan for the future, and look forward to the possibilities. You owe it to yourself to mature in all. 

5. Stop dating people you know aren’t right for you. 
 - While you’re single, stay away from mindless dating experiences. If you know they aren’t your type, don’t give them the time of day. All you are going to do is hurt them and eventually confuse your heart. Stop dating the wrong people and start focusing on becoming the right person.

***

~La vie est belle, Bri~

How to See a Woman

So I love it when I find articles that just kind of make sense to me, and are something I think are worth sharing with the rest of the world. I stole this particular article from my friend Mason (check him out here). This was written by a pastor for Christ's Community Church.

"Someday I am going to have to have the conversation with my son. No, not the conversation all parents dread giving and all kids are mortified having. I enjoy making people uncomfortable, so that conversation should be fun.
No, I’m talking about another conversation. The one that happens after I catch his eye doing what male eyes do well — following an object of lust. We will probably be out at the mall, because that’s what dads do with their sons, and I’ll catch the look. Maybe we’ll go to the beach and see it. Doesn’t matter where it is. There will come a time when I will see it. And then it will be time for this conversation.
Hey, come here. Let me talk to you. I saw you look at her. I’m not judging you or shaming you. I know why you did. I get it. But we have to talk about it because how you look at a woman matters.
A lot of people will try and tell you that a woman should watch how she dresses so she doesn’t tempt you to look at her wrongly. Here is what I will tell you. It is a woman’s responsibility to dress herself in the morning. It is your responsibility to look at her like a human being regardless of what she is wearing. You will feel the temptation to blame her for your wandering eyes because of what she is wearing — or not wearing. But don’t. Don’t play the victim. You are not a helpless victim when it comes to your eyes. You have full control over them. Exercise that control. Train them to look her in the eyes. Discipline yourself to see her, not her clothes or her body. The moment you play the victim, you fall into the lie that you are simply embodied reaction to external stimuli unable to determine right from wrong, human from flesh.
Look right at me. That is a ridiculous lie.
You are more than that. And the woman you are looking at is more than her clothes. She is more than her body. There is a lot of talk about how men objectify women, and largely, it is true. Humans objectify the things they love in effort to control them. If you truly love a person, do not reduce them to an object. The moment you objectify another human — woman or man — you give up your humanity.
There are two views regarding a woman’s dress code that you will be pressured to buy into. One view will say that women need to dress to get the attention of men. The other view will say women need to dress to protect men from themselves. Son, you are better than both of these. A woman, or any human being, should not have to dress to get your attention. You should give them the full attention they deserve simply because they are a fellow human being. On the other side, a woman should not have to feel like she needs to protect you from you. You need to be in control of you.
Unfortunately, much of how the sexes interact with each is rooted in fear. Fear of rejection, fear of abuse, fear of being out of control. In some ways, the church has added to this. We fear each other because we have been taught the other is dangerous. We’ve been a taught a woman’s body will cause men to sin. We’re told that if a woman shows too much of her body men will do stupid things. Let’s be clear: A woman’s body is not dangerous to you. Her body will not cause you harm. It will not make you do stupid things. If you do stupid things, it is because you chose to do stupid things. So don’t contribute to the fear that exists between men and women.
A woman’s body is beautiful and wonderful and mysterious. Respect it by respecting her as an individual with hopes and dreams and experiences and emotions and longings. Let her be confident. Encourage her confidence. But don’t do all this because she is weaker. That’s the biggest bunch of crap out there. Women are not weaker than men. They are not the weaker sex. They are the other sex.
I’m not telling you to not look at women. Just the opposite. I’m telling you to see women. Really see them. Not just with your eyes but with your heart. Don’t look to see something that tickles your senses, but see a human being.
My hope is that changing how you see women will change how you are around them. Don’t just be around women. Be with women.
Because in the end, they want to be with you. Without fear of being judged, or shamed, or condemned, or objectified or being treated as other. And that’s not just what women want. That’s what people want. Ultimately, it’s what you want."

I love how he's "talking" to his son about his responsibility to look at women right. We're always going around trying to place blame on a man or a woman individually for this sort of thing, when we should both be taking equal responsibility because we respect each other.
Now girls, don't take this as an excuse to dress inappropriately, because you also have your own responsibilities. "Don’t play the victim. You are not a helpless victim." The same goes for you. Don't blame him for his wandering eyes when you're presenting him with something to wander over. You need to demand respect by respecting yourself.

~La vie est belle, Bri~

27 Ways to Get More Stuff Done

So I am back in a Alaska. Yay.

I hurt my ankle the day of my flight and suffered through a six and a half hour flight which ended with my ankle swollen three times it's size and pulsing in pain. Ouch. I know. So I am kind of confined to the couch for the next week. Well, confined to the couch when my mom is paying attention.

I hate sitting around. I have to be DOING something, and Facebook isn't quite cutting it. So I hopped over to Pinterest for a little bit to ease my boredom and found this little gem, an article about productivity. (P.S. The title has a swear word in it, sorry!)

~ Click Here ~

This got me thinking about everything I have to do this year. It's my senior year of high school, and I'm a little behind on what I'm supposed to have accomplished. That's what I get for graduating early. 

Anyway, my most important priorities are studying for the ACT, becoming a dancing beast, and making sure I have all the credits I need to graduate and get into the college of my choice. Oh yeah, and did I mention I'm supposed to apply to colleges? 

Scary.  

Check ya later, gotta go to do grown-uppy stuff. 

~La vie est belle, Bri~

 

Quotes and Things

So you've heard of Pinterest, right? Of course you have, it's not like you've been living under a rock. Unless of course you have, in which case I apologize and that's super cool.

Anyway, I have an entire board dedicated to quotes and sayings and little quirky things and I realized I've basically buried them there; pinned them and never looked back. So, like my lovely "random writing" post, I'm going to go through and post some of them here.

"You create beauty with your behavior, your attitude, your actions; it's all up to you."

"As soon as I saw you, I knew an adventure was going to happen." - Winnie ther Pooh

"Even after all this time the Sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me". Look what happens with a love like that...it lights up the whole sky."

"You are unrepeatable. There is a magic about you all your own." D. M. Dellinger

"I like people who smile when it's raining." (If you've ever been around me when it's raining, you know how much I love it."

"When you have a bad day, a really bad day, try and treat the world better than it treated you." - Patrick Stump

"Your life is your message to the world. Make sure it's inspiring."

"The cure for anything is salt water- sweat, tears, or the sea." - Isak Dinesen

"Sometimes I have to remind myself that I don't have to do what everyone else is doing."

"So this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be." - The Perks of Being a Wallflower

"You will come to know that what appears today to be a sacrifice will prove instead to be the greatest investment you will ever make." - Gordon B. Hinckley

"Life is like a piano, the white keys represent happiness and the black show sadness. But as you go through life's journey remember the black keys also create music."

"And then my soul saw you and it kind of went, "Oh there you are. I've been looking for you."

"Worry is a misuse of your imagination."

"One day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful." - Sigmund Freud

"Enjoy the little things in life. For one day you will look back and realize they were the big things."

"Here's to books, the cheapest vacation you can buy." - Charlaine Harris

"Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory." - Dr. Suess

"You only live once, but if you do it right once is enough."

"La vie est belle." 

I'll be back with more. Many more.

Follow me on Pinterest here.

~La vie est belle, Bri~

Learning New Things

I'm having an awful time with these great ideas that pop up from in my head or an outside source. They keep taking root in my mind and refusing to leave. Guess who decided what a wonderful idea it would be to learn the LDS Young Women theme in French?

If you guessed me, you're right. If you didn't guess me, well...kudos to you, but you lost.

The game.

Okay, enough trolling. Let's get to business. Once I saw this idea (yep, came from an outside source), I decided to look around the internet for the theme translated into French. I didn't want to just use Google translate. BUT, I haven't come up with anything solid yet.

My mom told me to find a boy who speaks French who can teach it to me.

Ha. HAHAHA ha. Okay.

Here's the theme in English:

We are daughters of our Heavenly Father, who loves us, and we love him. We will "stand as witnesses of God in all times and in all things, and in all places" as we strive to live the Young Women values, which are:

Faith
Divine Nature
Individual Worth
Knowledge
Choice and Accountability
Good Works
Integrity
and Virtue

We believe as we come to accept and act upon these values, we will be prepared to strengthen home and family, make and keep sacred covenants, receive the ordinances of the temple, and enjoy the blessings of exaltation.

~~~

Can I just say typing that all out by hand makes me appreciate what it says more than ever? Okay good, because it does.

~La vie est belle, Bri~

22 Things Happy People Do Differently

I believe our self image is linked directly with how happy we are, so here are some great tips on how to live your life to be happier, and to love yourself more.

 This article is from Chiara Fucarino over at Successify!

There are two types of people in the world: those who choose to be happy, and those who choose to be unhappy. Contrary to popular belief, happiness doesn’t come from fame, fortune, other people, or material possessions. Rather, it comes from within. The richest person in the world could be miserable while a homeless person could be right outside, smiling and content with their life.

Happy people are happy because they make themselves happy. They maintain a positive outlook on life and remain at peace with themselves. The question is: how do they do that? It’s quite simple. Happy people have good habits that enhance their lives. They do things differently. Ask any happy person, and they will tell you that the they;

1. Don’t hold grudges. Happy people understand that it’s better to forgive and forget than to let their negative feelings crowd out their positive feelings. Holding a grudge has a lot of detrimental effects on your wellbeing, including increased depression, anxiety, and stress. Why let anyone who has wronged you have power over you? If you let go of all your grudges, you’ll gain a clear conscience and enough energy to enjoy the good things in life.

 2. Treat everyone with kindness. Did you know that it has been scientifically proven that being kind makes you happier? Every time you perform a selfless act, your brain produces serotonin, a hormone that eases tension and lifts your spirits. Not only that, but treating people with love, dignity, and respect also allows you to build stronger relationships.

3. See problems as challenges. The word “problem” is never part of a happy person’s vocabulary. A problem is viewed as a drawback, a struggle, or an unstable situation while a challenge is viewed as something positive like an opportunity, a task, or a dare. Whenever you face an obstacle, try looking at it as a challenge.

4. Express gratitude for what they already have. There’s a popular saying that goes something like this: “The happiest people don’t have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have.” You will have a deeper sense of contentment if you count your blessings instead of yearning for what you don’t have.

 5. Dream big. People who get into the habit of dreaming big are more likely to accomplish their goals than those who don’t. If you dare to dream big, your mind will put itself in a focused and positive state.

6. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Happy people ask themselves, “Will this problem matter a year from now?” They understand that life’s too short to get worked up over trivial situations. Letting things roll off your back will definitely put you at ease to enjoy the more important things in life.

7. Speak well of others. Being nice feels better than being mean. As fun as gossiping is, it usually leaves you feeling guilty and resentful. Saying nice things about other people encourages you to think positive, non-judgmental thoughts.

8. Never make excuses. Benjamin Franklin once said, “He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.” Happy people don’t make excuses or blame others for their own failures in life. Instead, they own up to their mistakes and, by doing so, they proactively try to change for the better.

 9. Get absorbed into the present. Happy people don’t dwell on the past or worry about the future. They savor the present. They let themselves get immersed in whatever they’re doing at the moment. Stop and smell the roses.

 10. Wake up at the same time every morning. Have you noticed that a lot of successful people tend to be early risers? Waking up at the same time every morning stabilizes your circadian rhythm, increases productivity, and puts you in a calm and centered state.

 11. Avoid social comparison. Everyone works at his own pace, so why compare yourself to others? If you think you’re better than someone else, you gain an unhealthy sense of superiority. If you think someone else is better than you, you end up feeling bad about yourself. You’ll be happier if you focus on your own progress and praise others on theirs.

12. Choose friends wisely. Misery loves company. That’s why it’s important to surround yourself with optimistic people who will encourage you to achieve your goals. The more positive energy you have around you, the better you will feel about yourself.

 13. Never seek approval from others. Happy people don’t care what others think of them. They follow their own hearts without letting naysayers discourage them. They understand that it’s impossible to please everyone. Listen to what people have to say, but never seek anyone’s approval but your own.

14. Take the time to listen. Talk less; listen more. Listening keeps your mind open to others’ wisdoms and outlooks on the world. The more intensely you listen, the quieter your mind gets, and the more content you feel.

15. Nurture social relationships. A lonely person is a miserable person. Happy people understand how important it is to have strong, healthy relationships. Always take the time to see and talk to your family, friends, or significant other.

16. Meditate. Meditating silences your mind and helps you find inner peace. You don’t have to be a zen master to pull it off. Happy people know how to silence their minds anywhere and anytime they need to calm their nerves.

17. Eat well. Junk food makes you sluggish, and it’s difficult to be happy when you’re in that kind of state. Everything you eat directly affects your body’s ability to produce hormones, which will dictate your moods, energy, and mental focus. Be sure to eat foods that will keep your mind and body in good shape.

 18. Exercise. Studies have shown that exercise raises happiness levels just as much as Zoloft does. Exercising also boosts your self-esteem and gives you a higher sense of self-accomplishment.

 19. Live minimally. Happy people rarely keep clutter around the house because they know that extra belongings weigh them down and make them feel overwhelmed and stressed out. Some studies have concluded that Europeans are a lot happier than Americans are, which is interesting because they live in smaller homes, drive simpler cars, and own fewer items.

 20. Tell the truth. Lying stresses you out, corrodes your self-esteem, and makes you unlikeable. The truth will set you free. Being honest improves your mental health and builds others’ trust in you. Always be truthful, and never apologize for it.

 21. Establish personal control. Happy people have the ability to choose their own destinies. They don’t let others tell them how they should live their lives. Being in complete control of one’s own life brings positive feelings and a great sense of self-worth.

22. Accept what cannot be changed. Once you accept the fact that life is not fair, you’ll be more at peace with yourself. Instead of obsessing over how unfair life is, just focus on what you can control and change it for the better.

~La vie est belle, Bri~

Samantha Koenig

Early February I heard that a young women was abducted in Anchorage. I didn't bother to find out her name or her story; it wasn't really important. I felt like I had too many things going on in my life already, and it was so far away that it just slipped my mind.
Today my Facebook feed was covered with statuses about a girl named Samantha Koenig; they said her body was found in the Matanuska Lake. I realized after looking up the story that the girl who'd been abducted was never found. The girl who I'd just dismissed because it wasn't my problem never got back to her family. I got to thinking...why do things like this happen? What could possibly drive somebody to do something so horrible? And finally...why does God let it happen?
You know, I've read lots of books where people are so angry at God for not preventing things like murders, and I always thought how stupid those people were, how silly and naive. But it's not stupid. It's not silly or naive. It's almost a rational reaction.
Who gave that man the right to decide whether Samantha would live or die? What gives him the right to take away someone's life?
God.
God gave us agency, the right to choose. But what happens when someone chooses to do something awful? What happens to the innocent people they hurt?

I decided to do something that my Sunday school teacher has been stressing all year; study, ponder, and pray. I went to lds.org and looked up my question "Why does God let bad things happen?" and came up with these answers from an article written by John Bytheway:

We Know That God Allows Evil to Exist in the World (Moses 7:26–33)


Sometimes our trials are a direct result of someone using their agency to do evil. Often when tragedy strikes, someone will say, “Well, it must have been God’s will.” What exactly is “God’s will”? It seems to me that God’s will is that we choose righteousness over wickedness! However, He also desires that we have a choice in the matter.
In the Pearl of Great Price, Enoch sees a frightening vision. “And he beheld Satan; and he had a great chain in his hand, and it veiled the whole face of the earth with darkness; and he looked up and laughed, and his angels rejoiced” (Moses 7:26).
Chains often symbolize bondage in the scriptures, and Enoch sees Satan looking up and laughing at the world in chains. Enoch also sees the Lord, who looks down on the sinful world and weeps. Enoch asks:


“How is it that thou canst weep, seeing thou art holy, and from all eternity to all eternity?” (Moses 7:29).
The Lord answers in what I think is one of the saddest passages of scripture:
“Behold these thy brethren; they are the workmanship of mine own hands, and I gave unto them their knowledge, in the day I created them; and in the Garden of Eden, gave I unto man his agency;
“And unto thy brethren have I said, and also given commandment, that they should love one another, and that they should choose me, their Father; but behold, they are without affection, and they hate their own blood” (Moses 7:32–33).
Clearly, what the Lord desires is that we love one another and choose to obey Him. But some do not. They are “without affection.” Everyone on earth has agency, and sometimes those who misuse it have an impact on many innocent people. This scripture provides evidence that the Lord notices the tragedies on the earth and that He is affected by them.
Many of the bad things that happen are contrary to God’s will. But remember that man’s will is temporary, and ultimately God’s will is what will be done.
There are other questions in all of this, too. How many acts of premeditated evil has God prevented? How many of these tragedies could have been much worse? There is no way we could know. Sometimes we see things on the news and ask, “How could God allow this to happen?” Could it be that one day we’ll discover that God prevented much more than He allowed?
How many times has someone prayed that “we might get home in safety,” and we actually did? How many traffic accidents has He helped you avoid? How many times has He inspired you to do something that saved someone from injury? We will never know in this life.
The plan of happiness allows for agency, and therefore it also allows for evil. There is no flaw in the plan.


...Why did this happen to me? (or, why did this happen to them?)
Everyone on earth has agency, and sometimes those who misuse it have an impact on many innocent people.
How could God allow evil to happen?
Don’t let tragedy define your life.
We may never have all the answers in this life.

The next step is to ponder and pray. I'll be praying for Samantha's family, that they will find peace and understanding. I'll be praying that I find the understanding I am looking for.

~La vie est belle, Bri~

Adventures in Public Transportation

I went into Anchorage with Renaye on Monday for her orthodontist appointment among other things. You wouldn’t believe how fun that was. We were going to meet Beka Miller, my amazing wife, later that day, but see, Renaye couldn’t stay in Anchorage, so she just dropped me off at Helen’s after her appointment (and after we ate at Taco Bell and decided that the peach ish pink color on the walls is called bludgeoned salmon). So, Helen and I act all crazy and hyper, and we have an amazing time at Barnes and Noble with Beka and then Allister and it was just an overall fun day, right?

Right.

After getting back to Helen’s house at around 11:00ish, we upload some pictures, and then we go to sleeeeeeeeeep…at around 11:30. We wake up. We eat amazing food. We joke around. We’re silly and amazing. Just roll with it.

I can’t stay all day, because we have to drop Helen off at dance around 2pm. Exeunt Helen. Mrs. Lindamood kindly drives me over to my cousins house. Enter Kalayna. We act like idiots, of course. And we have fun, and joke around, and yada yada. Then, we go to see the snow sculptures. First, we stop at Uncle John’s office, where we split into two cars. Layna is driving the little car. Kalayna gets lost, and we all laugh at *cough* I mean, WITH her. We found our way to the sculptures at last, and we look at them. They were perty. And we voted. I liked the one with the polar bear playing the piano.

Anyway, to my point. I have to take a bus home.

I have three bags with me; my camera bag with super expensive camera, my green bag, and my backpack. So, my cousins drive me up to the curb and I grab my stuff out of the back. They tell me to call them if I miss the bus. Don’t even mention that possibility please, it makes me queasy.

Here’s the thing; I’ve been on one of these public transportation buses ONCE. And that one time I had Kimber to worry about the details. If I followed her, I was okay. But on my own? *gulp* I was more than a little apprehensive.

So, my cousins drive away, and I turn around to take in my surroundings. It smells like cigarette smoke and cold air, my nose is turning red from the cold air and my toes are freezing through my converse. I hear swearing and honking and every other city sound. People mill around as bus after bus makes its way to the curb. I quickly ask the first bus driver where her bus is going. She tells me she’s going around back, and pulls away.

Thanks lady, real helpful.

Then, I hurry to the next bus that pulls up and ask her which bus would take me to Wasilla. She said I’d need to take the Valley Mover (I know this already, but where IS the Valley Mover?), and tells me that they pick up around the corner and across the street. I look over that direction. I see a pink and white bus. Wait…THAT’S MY BUS.

I start running as fast as I can with three bags bouncing up and down on my arms. Right as I get to the curb, the bus pulls away and drives off.

So, here I am alone downtown at the bus station. I was totally not freaking out. At all. Okay, yeah, guess who started praying? I called my cousins and told them I’d missed my bus. Fortunately, they were just two blocks down looking at the ice sculptures. I walked over there. My feet were frozen, I was traumatized, and I was ready to be home.

Unfortunately, my mom thought it was too dangerous (?) for me to stay and wait for the next bus, so I ended up spending the night at my cousins.

So there you have it. I don’t like public transportation buses.

~La vie est belle, Bri~

I don’t want to diet; I want to get in shape.

So, if you’ve ever danced, you know that natural instinct that insists you do everything perfectly immediately. It’s unavoidable. Even if your teachers are pushing you hard (and believe me, teachers can be super harsh sometimes), the one who’s really pushing is you. Dancers have a tendency to be extremely unforgiving of our mistakes, even when we don’t have to be. It’s a mental glitch placed the moment you step into a studio for your first class.


I used to think it was hilarious how my friend Helen would look at pictures of her dancing and call out every little thing that was wrong with her technique. I would tell her how it looked great, stop fussing, and she would in turn glower at the picture some more. I would think to myself how she’s just over exaggerating.

But now I’m

Just.
Like.
Her.

I notice every single thing that’s wrong in any videos or pictures taken of me while I was dancing, and I just end up feeling down and depressed.

Why do we do this to ourselves? 

When I first started dancing again my mom confiscated the scale. She insisted that dancers have an unnatural fixation with their weight and are prone to getting eating disorders. My first reaction to this was annoyance. I argued that, hey, you’re over reacting. I don’t need to lose weight, I’m skinny enough. I am not going to get an eating disorder. I love food too much!

But, after a whole semester at the dance studio? Yes, those last two statements are the only two I still believe. Don’t go all psycho on me though, hear me out. If you could see all the girls at the dance studio, you’d understand why I started feeling out of place, or “fat”. I can’t help looking at pictures and watching videos and all the while lamenting the fact that my hips look funny and my shoulders always seem to be hunched over (IMA HUNCH BACK!). I’m not fat, by every day standards, so why do I put myself down?

Because I could be better. 

Along with tossing the scale, my mom also forbade any “dieting”. The problem with this is that my mom has a significantly loose definition of what a “diet” is. Even the most discreet suggestion of maybe eating more fruit and vegetables (“eating healthier”) is always met with a suspicious look and opens up a lecture on how I am perfect the way I am.

But seriously, what’s wrong with trying to improve myself? Everyone can be better, so why not me?

There are so many diets out there in the world right now, some healthier than others, so naturally when someone tells you they need to get skinnier and lose some weight, the first thing that pops into your mind is a diet, right?

That’s why I like the phrase “get in shape” better. It’s more centered around exercising and eating healthier things than limiting what you eat and not eating too much in one day. Obviously, I’d have to make sacrifices (such as; not as much sugar, McDonald’s, etc.). If there is one thing right now that I want to learn more about, its nutrition. This is going to sound really stupid, but I have no idea what calories are and how they affect our bodies. When I was younger, sitting at the dinner table, my sister and mom were talking about how many calories our rolls had. When I inquired what they meant, I was told that I was too young to worry about it.

Now, even If I were to ask, it’d be the simple version intended to make it sound like not a big deal so I wouldn’t worry my pretty little head about how much I weigh. Can you imagine how many times I roll my eyes a day?

I don’t want to diet; I want to get in shape.

As a last thought, I’d like to go back to what I said about dancers being over dramatic and self-conscious. Almost every dancer you could ask, they would say that they have made this or that mistake. In the words of Bekah Cornell, “If we did everything perfectly, no one would come to our recitals because they’d have seen it all before. Our mistakes make us unique and original.”

~La vie est belle, Bri~

The Man of My Dreams

Another "click on the picture to see the post" from my Auntie Amy. She is by far my favorite Aunt in the world, and she inspires me so much. I love this post about her husband, and hope someday I'll be lucky enough to find someone like him :)

~La vie est belle, Bri~

Marriage

Married or not, you should read this.

“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me…she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office, jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.”

~La vie est belle, Bri~

How To Debate

So, I like politics, right? Right. And I thought I had a pretty good hand on what my views were. I knew I didn't like Barack Obama. Why? Well, he's a Democrat....and he's wasting money...and...and....well, he's just not right for the job...right? Well, I was made a member of a group on a site called Goodreads, and it had a thread called "Barack Obama". Of course my thought is that hey, I should post in there.

So I did.

Every couple days someone would respond to me, and we had this nice little chat about Barack Obama; I got slammed a couple times, but it never bothered me. Well, since I had so much fun with that, I decided "hey, why don't I start my own political group where we can talk about this stuff all the time?"

So I did.

My mistake was naming the group "Political Debates HERE". Notice the word debates in the title. I didn't really mean debates, I meant having discussions and learning from each other, finding the truth. Agreeing to disagree. I should have named the group "Political Discussions HERE", and avoided the "How to Debate" lessons I received from a fellow member.

How to Debate:

1) Sarcasm is a great way to undermine your opponent's confidence while putting on the image of being superior and more educated than they are.

2) By ridiculing your opponents intelligence, you will gain confidence yourself as well as the support of other less confident members.

3) Remember to insult your opponent every chance you get.

4) You're not looking for the truth, you're just trying to win.

I'd advise not engaging in political debates. They never end well.

~La vie est belle, Bri~