10 Old Fashioned Dating Habits We Should Make Cool Again

10 Old Fashioned Dating Habits We Should Make Cool Again by Kate Bailey over at Thought Catalog.

1. Coming to the door to pick someone up. 
I think we’ve all had it with the incredibly unromantic “here” text, and meeting up always seems to be more casual and platonic than the alternative. Of course, meeting someone from online or any circumstance like that would probably be the exception to this rule, but generally: the 30 seconds it takes to get out of a car or cab and knock on the door makes a huge difference.

2. Trying to dress really nicely for a date. 
“Nicely” means different things for different people, so I think it’s just a matter of putting effort into how you put yourself together to go out with someone. It’s not about wearing suits and petticoats again, but just realizing that, whether or not we like to accept it, appearance does count for something, and we should do our best to make sure that our appearance says something about us, in whatever way we’d like it to. Follow Thought Catalog on Facebook.

3. Bringing flowers or other tokens of affection to the first date. 
Now, many lucky ladies (and some men) I know get this regularly, and in fact, I have myself as well, but only ever with people I’d been dating for a while. I think there’s something to be said for bringing flowers to the door on your first date. It’s become uncool because it’s forward and it’s a gesture that confirms their interest, but we should definitely get past that idea and worry more about how we’re going to let someone know we really do care and appreciate that they want to spend time with us.

4. Going dancing that’s not grinding on a grimy club floor. 
Whatever happened to this? Dancing for the sake of dancing, like fun, not essentially sex on a dance floor dancing. What’s a better way to literally shake off nerves than seeing them bust a really dorky move on a dance floor? And the art of slow dancing has generally been lost, though I’ve been one to do it in my living room with my slightly coerced significant other, and I’ll tell you he’s said on numerous occasions it ended up being one of the most romantic nights we had together.

5. Straightforwardly asking someone out and not calling it “hanging out.” 
Or, as is very popular these days, “talking.” “Oh, we’re just… talking.” As in, seeing one another and speaking frequently as to get to know each other? So… dating? We’ve found these really convenient ways to skirt around the issue of having to put our hearts on the line, but honestly, it just ends up being messy and confusing for all parties involved. There’s no need to go back to the idea of courting or anything, unless you want to, but simply being direct about whether or not you’d like to go on a date with someone is a truly lost art, one that really shouldn’t be.

6. Additionally, being clear about when you’re “going steady.” 
Oh, the awkward, “so… are we… you know… what are we?” talk. Classic. We should go back to asking one another if the other person would like to “go steady” or something. There’s something about asking them if they’d like to rather than assuming that you are or aren’t anything that’s just very cute, in my opinion.

7. Romantic gestures like writing poems. 
Writing poems may not be for you, I know mine would look something like “Roses are red, violets are blue, I hate poetry but I love you.” I literally just made that up thank you please quote me when you inevitably post that gem on Tumblr. But seriously, like a handwritten letter in the mail or just surprising them with something you made even if it looks like the macaroni necklace you made when you were 5 is cute just because you tried and were thinking of them.

8. Turning electronics off and just being with one another. 
I’m not sure there is anything worse than the person who picks up their phone and starts staring at it in the middle of dinner, or at any point while you’re together and having a conversation. I’m not anti-technology here (hello, I work for the Internet) but I am saying that there comes a time to turn it off and disconnect and remember what actually matters. People.

9. The general concept of asking permission for things. 
 It used to be principle for people to say: oh, when can I see you? Or, when could I call you? Rather than just assuming they can at any point. But I think that old concept could be applied to our modern world by just assuming that, unless told otherwise, you should ask permission to you know, touch them anywhere, take them out, call them at a certain time, etc. Once you’re in a relationship these things usually don’t require asking anymore, but some do, especially when it comes to sexuality. I once knew a person who said that they asked permission before so much as touching a girl’s thigh, and that always stuck with me.

10. Not assuming sex is to be had at any point in time. 
Now, I’m certainly not saying it should go back to being a taboo that’s unspoken of, but we certainly shouldn’t expect it from someone on the third date, on the first date, because they’re being flirty, because you know they’re into you, or even because they agreed to go out with you. A date does not have to be a precursor to sex, and you shouldn’t be disappointed if it isn’t because you should never assume that it will be. It depends on the person you’re with and what they want to do.

~La vie est belle, Bri~

Before you ask me out, you'll probably want to know that...

There's this rule in my house about dating...well, actually, there are a couple rules. These are rules that are set by my parents, and are nothing personal to the guy in question, but I want to make it clear that I agree and follow these rules willingly, and it's appreciated when people respect them.

Before you ask me out, you'll probably want to know that...

1. I don't single date, and I can't be with guys alone. 
I can only go on group or double dates because single dating is considered more serious, and right now I'm not looking for a relationship, so there should be one or more couples with us on our date. The other part of this rule, which goes hand in hand with not single dating, is I am not allowed to be alone with guys at any time. This includes sitting alone in a car or just hanging out as friends. This is a safety measure. I don't want to be put into awkward situations where we might end up doing something we would regret. I understand that these kinds of situations don't happen often, and you're thinking "well I don't think of you that way anyway", but if that's what you think there shouldn't be a problem getting a few more people to go on our date or to hang out.

2. I won't steady date until I'm 18.
Let's be honest here. When you date someone, you're either going to marry that person or break up. I don't consider myself, right now, ready for a "serious relationship", nor am I old enough to be getting into one. A relationship is more than "hey I like this person, I'm going to hang out with them more". It's about commitment, give and take, trust, respect, love, and trying to know someone on a deeper level, getting to know who they are. To do those kinds of things, you need to be in tune with who you are, where you stand, and where you're going. What do they need from you? What do you need from them? What do you want? What about them? (etc....) I don't consider myself ready for that at the moment.

3. If I want to go on a date with someone, he has to be interviewed by my dad.
You have to meet the parents (well, just my dad) even if it's just a casual date, which I might have asked you on. Sorry not sorry.

4. I don't date people who aren't members of my church.
I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, also called "Mormons". If you're not a member this one will be hard to understand. I don't think that members of my church are somehow better or more upright than non-members, because I have met several amazing people who aren't members of my church who I would date if they were members.
As a member of the LDS church, I believe that when I marry someone in our temple we are sealed for eternity and that our family will be together forever. Because I want to be married in the temple, I am looking to date those who are worthy to enter the temple. That includes not just their behavior, but whether or not they have been baptized into the church. This is something that is truly important to me, not a personal spite against someone who might ask me on a date and isn't a member, it's what I believe to be true and I am making my way towards that goal.

Well there you are. A guide to going on a date with me. Sort of. Maybe just...guidelines...or a warning...eh they're not that bad.

~La vie est belle, Bri~

5 Things To Do While You're Single

What? Another article not written by yours truly? It's okay, you'll have a full post from me eventually, but for now enjoy this wonderful list of things to do while you're single from Jarrid Wilson.

Being single isn’t a disease, it’s an opportunity for you to grow, learn, and experience life in a way that you won’t be able to when you are married.

Here are 5 things to do while you’re single:

1. Be firm in your faith. 
- Build your faith on a foundation that cannot be shaken, no matter whom you encounter. This will not only bring you peace during your season of singleness, but will also help you in your journey of finding the person you plan on being with for the rest of your life.Don’t let your beliefs change depending on whom you’re trying to impress. This tactic will always come around to hurt you in the long run.

2. Get grounded in your personal identity. 
- Know who you are before trying to explain it to someone else. Be confident in your purpose, your body, your identity, and your life choices. Relationships will not fix your identity problems, but they can be an added bonus to who you are as a person.

3. Focus on school, or starting you career. 
- You have a lot of time on your hands. Instead of spending it wallowing in your singleness, GO MAKE SOMETHING OF YOURSELF! You are worth more than what sitting on a couch waiting for your significant other makes you out to be. Step out into the world and take maturity by the horns. Start building your future instead of simply dreaming about it.

4. Learn to be independent until needed otherwise. 
- There is nothing wrong with aspiring to be a stay at home mom, or even being a man who works from home. But until either of these opportunities come into play, you need to make sure you are doing everything possible to provide for yourself, your future family, and your future aspirations. Don’t live day-to-day. Plan for the future, and look forward to the possibilities. You owe it to yourself to mature in all. 

5. Stop dating people you know aren’t right for you. 
 - While you’re single, stay away from mindless dating experiences. If you know they aren’t your type, don’t give them the time of day. All you are going to do is hurt them and eventually confuse your heart. Stop dating the wrong people and start focusing on becoming the right person.

***

~La vie est belle, Bri~

SYTYCD Treasures Season 10

Check out a couple of my favorite routines from the two episodes of this season of SYTYCD I've seen so far.
 

Click on the above picture for a breathtaking waltz performed by MaKenzie Dustman and Paul Karmiryan on SYTYCD season 10. I LOVE IT SO MUCH. Words really cannot describe it.It's just...watch it. Now.

Brittany and Bluprint doing an African Jazz piece. Dude. Blueprint is a fricken ANIMATOR. He's fantastic!!! CLICK ON THE PICTURE.

This...Jasmine and Alan....Travis Wall Contemporary with BLINDFOLDS. I can't even...just...watch it. Now.

~La vie est belle, Bri~

Learning New Things

I'm having an awful time with these great ideas that pop up from in my head or an outside source. They keep taking root in my mind and refusing to leave. Guess who decided what a wonderful idea it would be to learn the LDS Young Women theme in French?

If you guessed me, you're right. If you didn't guess me, well...kudos to you, but you lost.

The game.

Okay, enough trolling. Let's get to business. Once I saw this idea (yep, came from an outside source), I decided to look around the internet for the theme translated into French. I didn't want to just use Google translate. BUT, I haven't come up with anything solid yet.

My mom told me to find a boy who speaks French who can teach it to me.

Ha. HAHAHA ha. Okay.

Here's the theme in English:

We are daughters of our Heavenly Father, who loves us, and we love him. We will "stand as witnesses of God in all times and in all things, and in all places" as we strive to live the Young Women values, which are:

Faith
Divine Nature
Individual Worth
Knowledge
Choice and Accountability
Good Works
Integrity
and Virtue

We believe as we come to accept and act upon these values, we will be prepared to strengthen home and family, make and keep sacred covenants, receive the ordinances of the temple, and enjoy the blessings of exaltation.

~~~

Can I just say typing that all out by hand makes me appreciate what it says more than ever? Okay good, because it does.

~La vie est belle, Bri~

22 Things Happy People Do Differently

I believe our self image is linked directly with how happy we are, so here are some great tips on how to live your life to be happier, and to love yourself more.

 This article is from Chiara Fucarino over at Successify!

There are two types of people in the world: those who choose to be happy, and those who choose to be unhappy. Contrary to popular belief, happiness doesn’t come from fame, fortune, other people, or material possessions. Rather, it comes from within. The richest person in the world could be miserable while a homeless person could be right outside, smiling and content with their life.

Happy people are happy because they make themselves happy. They maintain a positive outlook on life and remain at peace with themselves. The question is: how do they do that? It’s quite simple. Happy people have good habits that enhance their lives. They do things differently. Ask any happy person, and they will tell you that the they;

1. Don’t hold grudges. Happy people understand that it’s better to forgive and forget than to let their negative feelings crowd out their positive feelings. Holding a grudge has a lot of detrimental effects on your wellbeing, including increased depression, anxiety, and stress. Why let anyone who has wronged you have power over you? If you let go of all your grudges, you’ll gain a clear conscience and enough energy to enjoy the good things in life.

 2. Treat everyone with kindness. Did you know that it has been scientifically proven that being kind makes you happier? Every time you perform a selfless act, your brain produces serotonin, a hormone that eases tension and lifts your spirits. Not only that, but treating people with love, dignity, and respect also allows you to build stronger relationships.

3. See problems as challenges. The word “problem” is never part of a happy person’s vocabulary. A problem is viewed as a drawback, a struggle, or an unstable situation while a challenge is viewed as something positive like an opportunity, a task, or a dare. Whenever you face an obstacle, try looking at it as a challenge.

4. Express gratitude for what they already have. There’s a popular saying that goes something like this: “The happiest people don’t have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have.” You will have a deeper sense of contentment if you count your blessings instead of yearning for what you don’t have.

 5. Dream big. People who get into the habit of dreaming big are more likely to accomplish their goals than those who don’t. If you dare to dream big, your mind will put itself in a focused and positive state.

6. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Happy people ask themselves, “Will this problem matter a year from now?” They understand that life’s too short to get worked up over trivial situations. Letting things roll off your back will definitely put you at ease to enjoy the more important things in life.

7. Speak well of others. Being nice feels better than being mean. As fun as gossiping is, it usually leaves you feeling guilty and resentful. Saying nice things about other people encourages you to think positive, non-judgmental thoughts.

8. Never make excuses. Benjamin Franklin once said, “He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.” Happy people don’t make excuses or blame others for their own failures in life. Instead, they own up to their mistakes and, by doing so, they proactively try to change for the better.

 9. Get absorbed into the present. Happy people don’t dwell on the past or worry about the future. They savor the present. They let themselves get immersed in whatever they’re doing at the moment. Stop and smell the roses.

 10. Wake up at the same time every morning. Have you noticed that a lot of successful people tend to be early risers? Waking up at the same time every morning stabilizes your circadian rhythm, increases productivity, and puts you in a calm and centered state.

 11. Avoid social comparison. Everyone works at his own pace, so why compare yourself to others? If you think you’re better than someone else, you gain an unhealthy sense of superiority. If you think someone else is better than you, you end up feeling bad about yourself. You’ll be happier if you focus on your own progress and praise others on theirs.

12. Choose friends wisely. Misery loves company. That’s why it’s important to surround yourself with optimistic people who will encourage you to achieve your goals. The more positive energy you have around you, the better you will feel about yourself.

 13. Never seek approval from others. Happy people don’t care what others think of them. They follow their own hearts without letting naysayers discourage them. They understand that it’s impossible to please everyone. Listen to what people have to say, but never seek anyone’s approval but your own.

14. Take the time to listen. Talk less; listen more. Listening keeps your mind open to others’ wisdoms and outlooks on the world. The more intensely you listen, the quieter your mind gets, and the more content you feel.

15. Nurture social relationships. A lonely person is a miserable person. Happy people understand how important it is to have strong, healthy relationships. Always take the time to see and talk to your family, friends, or significant other.

16. Meditate. Meditating silences your mind and helps you find inner peace. You don’t have to be a zen master to pull it off. Happy people know how to silence their minds anywhere and anytime they need to calm their nerves.

17. Eat well. Junk food makes you sluggish, and it’s difficult to be happy when you’re in that kind of state. Everything you eat directly affects your body’s ability to produce hormones, which will dictate your moods, energy, and mental focus. Be sure to eat foods that will keep your mind and body in good shape.

 18. Exercise. Studies have shown that exercise raises happiness levels just as much as Zoloft does. Exercising also boosts your self-esteem and gives you a higher sense of self-accomplishment.

 19. Live minimally. Happy people rarely keep clutter around the house because they know that extra belongings weigh them down and make them feel overwhelmed and stressed out. Some studies have concluded that Europeans are a lot happier than Americans are, which is interesting because they live in smaller homes, drive simpler cars, and own fewer items.

 20. Tell the truth. Lying stresses you out, corrodes your self-esteem, and makes you unlikeable. The truth will set you free. Being honest improves your mental health and builds others’ trust in you. Always be truthful, and never apologize for it.

 21. Establish personal control. Happy people have the ability to choose their own destinies. They don’t let others tell them how they should live their lives. Being in complete control of one’s own life brings positive feelings and a great sense of self-worth.

22. Accept what cannot be changed. Once you accept the fact that life is not fair, you’ll be more at peace with yourself. Instead of obsessing over how unfair life is, just focus on what you can control and change it for the better.

~La vie est belle, Bri~

Can you believe it?

Can you believe the year is nearly over? Christmas is almost here, and I'm sad that we missed out on several things we usually do this time of year. Twelve Days of Christmas (boy, could I tell some great stories), ward Christmas party, pictures with Santa (I can't remember the last time we did that), and just relaxing.
It's been pretty hectic.
I can't believe tomorrow is Christmas Eve. It just snuck up on me and is tapping me on the shoulder, brewing excitement in my tummy, Marshall. We have family coming tomorrow for our annual Christmas party, where we'll perform the Nativity, and exchange a couple gifts. We'll eat and sing and laugh and in general have a good time. A child or two will break down, fall into a sugar coma, and the older kids might play Ghost in the Graveyard outside.
Life is good.
I'll post pictures from tomorrow, I swear (it'll probably have to wait until after Christmas though, but it WILL get done). For now, good night.

~La vie est belle, Bri~

The Man of My Dreams

Another "click on the picture to see the post" from my Auntie Amy. She is by far my favorite Aunt in the world, and she inspires me so much. I love this post about her husband, and hope someday I'll be lucky enough to find someone like him :)

~La vie est belle, Bri~

Marriage

Married or not, you should read this.

“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me…she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office, jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.”

~La vie est belle, Bri~