There's this rule in my house about dating...well, actually, there are a couple rules. These are rules that are set by my parents, and are nothing personal to the guy in question, but I want to make it clear that I agree and follow these rules willingly, and it's appreciated when people respect them.
Before you ask me out, you'll probably want to know that...
1. I don't single date, and I can't be with guys alone.
I can only go on group or double dates because single dating is considered more serious, and right now I'm not looking for a relationship, so there should be one or more couples with us on our date. The other part of this rule, which goes hand in hand with not single dating, is I am not allowed to be alone with guys at any time. This includes sitting alone in a car or just hanging out as friends. This is a safety measure. I don't want to be put into awkward situations where we might end up doing something we would regret. I understand that these kinds of situations don't happen often, and you're thinking "well I don't think of you that way anyway", but if that's what you think there shouldn't be a problem getting a few more people to go on our date or to hang out.
2. I won't steady date until I'm 18.
Let's be honest here. When you date someone, you're either going to
marry that person or break up. I don't consider myself, right now,
ready for a "serious relationship", nor am I old enough to be getting into one. A relationship is more than "hey I like this person, I'm going to hang out with them more". It's about commitment, give and take, trust, respect, love, and trying to know someone on a deeper level, getting to know who they are. To do those kinds of things, you need to be in tune with who you are, where you stand, and where you're going. What do they need from you? What do you need from them? What do you want? What about them? (etc....) I don't consider myself ready for that at the moment.
3. If I want to go on a date with someone, he has to be interviewed by my dad.
You have to meet the parents (well, just my dad) even if it's just a casual date, which I might have asked you on. Sorry not sorry.
4. I don't date people who aren't members of my church.
I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, also called "Mormons". If you're not a member this one will be hard to understand. I don't think that members of my church are somehow better or more upright than non-members, because I have met several amazing people who aren't members of my church who I would date if they were members.
As a member of the LDS church, I believe that when I marry someone in our temple we are sealed for eternity and that our family will be together forever. Because I want to be married in the temple, I am looking to date those who are worthy to enter the temple. That includes not just their behavior, but whether or not they have been baptized into the church. This is something that is truly important to me, not a personal spite against someone who might ask me on a date and isn't a member, it's what I believe to be true and I am making my way towards that goal.
Well there you are. A guide to going on a date with me. Sort of. Maybe just...guidelines...or a warning...eh they're not that bad.
~La vie est belle, Bri~
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
Monday, November 18, 2013
5 Things To Do While You're Single
What? Another article not written by yours truly? It's okay, you'll have a full post from me eventually, but for now enjoy this wonderful list of things to do while you're single from Jarrid Wilson.
Being single isn’t a disease, it’s an opportunity for you to grow, learn, and experience life in a way that you won’t be able to when you are married.
Here are 5 things to do while you’re single:
1. Be firm in your faith.
- Build your faith on a foundation that cannot be shaken, no matter whom you encounter. This will not only bring you peace during your season of singleness, but will also help you in your journey of finding the person you plan on being with for the rest of your life.Don’t let your beliefs change depending on whom you’re trying to impress. This tactic will always come around to hurt you in the long run.
2. Get grounded in your personal identity.
- Know who you are before trying to explain it to someone else. Be confident in your purpose, your body, your identity, and your life choices. Relationships will not fix your identity problems, but they can be an added bonus to who you are as a person.
3. Focus on school, or starting you career.
- You have a lot of time on your hands. Instead of spending it wallowing in your singleness, GO MAKE SOMETHING OF YOURSELF! You are worth more than what sitting on a couch waiting for your significant other makes you out to be. Step out into the world and take maturity by the horns. Start building your future instead of simply dreaming about it.
4. Learn to be independent until needed otherwise.
- There is nothing wrong with aspiring to be a stay at home mom, or even being a man who works from home. But until either of these opportunities come into play, you need to make sure you are doing everything possible to provide for yourself, your future family, and your future aspirations. Don’t live day-to-day. Plan for the future, and look forward to the possibilities. You owe it to yourself to mature in all.
5. Stop dating people you know aren’t right for you.
- While you’re single, stay away from mindless dating experiences. If you know they aren’t your type, don’t give them the time of day. All you are going to do is hurt them and eventually confuse your heart. Stop dating the wrong people and start focusing on becoming the right person.
***
~La vie est belle, Bri~
Being single isn’t a disease, it’s an opportunity for you to grow, learn, and experience life in a way that you won’t be able to when you are married.
Here are 5 things to do while you’re single:
1. Be firm in your faith.
- Build your faith on a foundation that cannot be shaken, no matter whom you encounter. This will not only bring you peace during your season of singleness, but will also help you in your journey of finding the person you plan on being with for the rest of your life.Don’t let your beliefs change depending on whom you’re trying to impress. This tactic will always come around to hurt you in the long run.
2. Get grounded in your personal identity.
- Know who you are before trying to explain it to someone else. Be confident in your purpose, your body, your identity, and your life choices. Relationships will not fix your identity problems, but they can be an added bonus to who you are as a person.
3. Focus on school, or starting you career.
- You have a lot of time on your hands. Instead of spending it wallowing in your singleness, GO MAKE SOMETHING OF YOURSELF! You are worth more than what sitting on a couch waiting for your significant other makes you out to be. Step out into the world and take maturity by the horns. Start building your future instead of simply dreaming about it.
4. Learn to be independent until needed otherwise.
- There is nothing wrong with aspiring to be a stay at home mom, or even being a man who works from home. But until either of these opportunities come into play, you need to make sure you are doing everything possible to provide for yourself, your future family, and your future aspirations. Don’t live day-to-day. Plan for the future, and look forward to the possibilities. You owe it to yourself to mature in all.
5. Stop dating people you know aren’t right for you.
- While you’re single, stay away from mindless dating experiences. If you know they aren’t your type, don’t give them the time of day. All you are going to do is hurt them and eventually confuse your heart. Stop dating the wrong people and start focusing on becoming the right person.
***
~La vie est belle, Bri~
Sunday, November 17, 2013
How to See a Woman
So I love it when I find articles that just kind of make sense to me, and are something I think are worth sharing with the rest of the world. I stole this particular article from my friend Mason (check him out here). This was written by a pastor for Christ's Community Church.
"Someday I am going to have to have the conversation with my son. No, not the conversation all parents dread giving and all kids are mortified having. I enjoy making people uncomfortable, so that conversation should be fun.
No, I’m talking about another conversation. The one that happens after I catch his eye doing what male eyes do well — following an object of lust. We will probably be out at the mall, because that’s what dads do with their sons, and I’ll catch the look. Maybe we’ll go to the beach and see it. Doesn’t matter where it is. There will come a time when I will see it. And then it will be time for this conversation.
Hey, come here. Let me talk to you. I saw you look at her. I’m not judging you or shaming you. I know why you did. I get it. But we have to talk about it because how you look at a woman matters.
A lot of people will try and tell you that a woman should watch how she dresses so she doesn’t tempt you to look at her wrongly. Here is what I will tell you. It is a woman’s responsibility to dress herself in the morning. It is your responsibility to look at her like a human being regardless of what she is wearing. You will feel the temptation to blame her for your wandering eyes because of what she is wearing — or not wearing. But don’t. Don’t play the victim. You are not a helpless victim when it comes to your eyes. You have full control over them. Exercise that control. Train them to look her in the eyes. Discipline yourself to see her, not her clothes or her body. The moment you play the victim, you fall into the lie that you are simply embodied reaction to external stimuli unable to determine right from wrong, human from flesh.
Look right at me. That is a ridiculous lie.
You are more than that. And the woman you are looking at is more than her clothes. She is more than her body. There is a lot of talk about how men objectify women, and largely, it is true. Humans objectify the things they love in effort to control them. If you truly love a person, do not reduce them to an object. The moment you objectify another human — woman or man — you give up your humanity.
There are two views regarding a woman’s dress code that you will be pressured to buy into. One view will say that women need to dress to get the attention of men. The other view will say women need to dress to protect men from themselves. Son, you are better than both of these. A woman, or any human being, should not have to dress to get your attention. You should give them the full attention they deserve simply because they are a fellow human being. On the other side, a woman should not have to feel like she needs to protect you from you. You need to be in control of you.
Unfortunately, much of how the sexes interact with each is rooted in fear. Fear of rejection, fear of abuse, fear of being out of control. In some ways, the church has added to this. We fear each other because we have been taught the other is dangerous. We’ve been a taught a woman’s body will cause men to sin. We’re told that if a woman shows too much of her body men will do stupid things. Let’s be clear: A woman’s body is not dangerous to you. Her body will not cause you harm. It will not make you do stupid things. If you do stupid things, it is because you chose to do stupid things. So don’t contribute to the fear that exists between men and women.
A woman’s body is beautiful and wonderful and mysterious. Respect it by respecting her as an individual with hopes and dreams and experiences and emotions and longings. Let her be confident. Encourage her confidence. But don’t do all this because she is weaker. That’s the biggest bunch of crap out there. Women are not weaker than men. They are not the weaker sex. They are the other sex.
I’m not telling you to not look at women. Just the opposite. I’m telling you to see women. Really see them. Not just with your eyes but with your heart. Don’t look to see something that tickles your senses, but see a human being.
My hope is that changing how you see women will change how you are around them. Don’t just be around women. Be with women.
Because in the end, they want to be with you. Without fear of being judged, or shamed, or condemned, or objectified or being treated as other. And that’s not just what women want. That’s what people want. Ultimately, it’s what you want."
I love how he's "talking" to his son about his responsibility to look at women right. We're always going around trying to place blame on a man or a woman individually for this sort of thing, when we should both be taking equal responsibility because we respect each other.
Now girls, don't take this as an excuse to dress inappropriately, because you also have your own responsibilities. "Don’t play the victim. You are not a helpless victim." The same goes for you. Don't blame him for his wandering eyes when you're presenting him with something to wander over. You need to demand respect by respecting yourself.
~La vie est belle, Bri~
"Someday I am going to have to have the conversation with my son. No, not the conversation all parents dread giving and all kids are mortified having. I enjoy making people uncomfortable, so that conversation should be fun.
No, I’m talking about another conversation. The one that happens after I catch his eye doing what male eyes do well — following an object of lust. We will probably be out at the mall, because that’s what dads do with their sons, and I’ll catch the look. Maybe we’ll go to the beach and see it. Doesn’t matter where it is. There will come a time when I will see it. And then it will be time for this conversation.
Hey, come here. Let me talk to you. I saw you look at her. I’m not judging you or shaming you. I know why you did. I get it. But we have to talk about it because how you look at a woman matters.
A lot of people will try and tell you that a woman should watch how she dresses so she doesn’t tempt you to look at her wrongly. Here is what I will tell you. It is a woman’s responsibility to dress herself in the morning. It is your responsibility to look at her like a human being regardless of what she is wearing. You will feel the temptation to blame her for your wandering eyes because of what she is wearing — or not wearing. But don’t. Don’t play the victim. You are not a helpless victim when it comes to your eyes. You have full control over them. Exercise that control. Train them to look her in the eyes. Discipline yourself to see her, not her clothes or her body. The moment you play the victim, you fall into the lie that you are simply embodied reaction to external stimuli unable to determine right from wrong, human from flesh.
Look right at me. That is a ridiculous lie.
You are more than that. And the woman you are looking at is more than her clothes. She is more than her body. There is a lot of talk about how men objectify women, and largely, it is true. Humans objectify the things they love in effort to control them. If you truly love a person, do not reduce them to an object. The moment you objectify another human — woman or man — you give up your humanity.
There are two views regarding a woman’s dress code that you will be pressured to buy into. One view will say that women need to dress to get the attention of men. The other view will say women need to dress to protect men from themselves. Son, you are better than both of these. A woman, or any human being, should not have to dress to get your attention. You should give them the full attention they deserve simply because they are a fellow human being. On the other side, a woman should not have to feel like she needs to protect you from you. You need to be in control of you.
Unfortunately, much of how the sexes interact with each is rooted in fear. Fear of rejection, fear of abuse, fear of being out of control. In some ways, the church has added to this. We fear each other because we have been taught the other is dangerous. We’ve been a taught a woman’s body will cause men to sin. We’re told that if a woman shows too much of her body men will do stupid things. Let’s be clear: A woman’s body is not dangerous to you. Her body will not cause you harm. It will not make you do stupid things. If you do stupid things, it is because you chose to do stupid things. So don’t contribute to the fear that exists between men and women.
A woman’s body is beautiful and wonderful and mysterious. Respect it by respecting her as an individual with hopes and dreams and experiences and emotions and longings. Let her be confident. Encourage her confidence. But don’t do all this because she is weaker. That’s the biggest bunch of crap out there. Women are not weaker than men. They are not the weaker sex. They are the other sex.
I’m not telling you to not look at women. Just the opposite. I’m telling you to see women. Really see them. Not just with your eyes but with your heart. Don’t look to see something that tickles your senses, but see a human being.
My hope is that changing how you see women will change how you are around them. Don’t just be around women. Be with women.
Because in the end, they want to be with you. Without fear of being judged, or shamed, or condemned, or objectified or being treated as other. And that’s not just what women want. That’s what people want. Ultimately, it’s what you want."
I love how he's "talking" to his son about his responsibility to look at women right. We're always going around trying to place blame on a man or a woman individually for this sort of thing, when we should both be taking equal responsibility because we respect each other.
Now girls, don't take this as an excuse to dress inappropriately, because you also have your own responsibilities. "Don’t play the victim. You are not a helpless victim." The same goes for you. Don't blame him for his wandering eyes when you're presenting him with something to wander over. You need to demand respect by respecting yourself.
~La vie est belle, Bri~
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